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21 August 2007 @ 12:54 am
*looks around*  
Hi all.

I decided over the past few days that I need to undergo a trial or test to attempt to better myself. No, it's not for any kind of religious reason... it's just something odd that I feel the need to do.  I seem to have a bad habit of saying inane things and interrupting people... so no better way to nip that all in the bud.  I decided to stop speaking.

Of course, I want to keep my job, so I speak seldomly there, but just enough to get by.  Please read my journal for accounts of my journey (I just started today, so there may not be much to read just yet.)

I am pleased to see that a community like this exists... makes me feel like less of a freak. :)

Thank you all for listening...
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Meredithwoofiegrrl on August 29th, 2007 02:54 pm (UTC)
Huh...wow. I guess I have to say that at first I was kind of suspicious of your motives. Like pthalogreen said, it seems like kind of a cop-out. But I think the issue is deeper for you than just "I say dumb things" - it sounds like you have major psychological trauma behind this. Most people who say dumb things don't make a conscious, public decision to stop speaking...they just withdraw and become quiet, without announcing "I'm not speaking anymore" and refusing to order at fast food and so forth. So because you've made this an ultimatum, I think there must be something deeper at work for you. Then again, when someone feels the need to stop speaking, they are usually sad about it (in my experience)...you seem almost gleeful that you've discovered this new route to happiness. I hope it works for you, though I suspect you will find more to work on than just not speaking.
voluntarilymutevoluntarilymute on August 31st, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
I've yet to find a person who has endured a journey similar to the one that I'm on.

I don't feel that there's any psychological trauma, but... those types of things are generally very difficult to get to the bottom of, so I suppose anything is possible at this point.

The odd thing is that I consider myself to be a well-adjusted person, who just happens to have a bunch of weird quirks. I mention Body Integrity Identity Disorder in one of my journal posts, and I really don't know how to better describe it. The thing that kind of strikes home is that I feel more "complete" now that I don't speak. I don't feel melancholy about it at all.

I feel much more comfortable typing out my side of a conversation, either on my Treo 650 (cell phone with a qwerty keyboard), or on my laptop. My husband and I have very effective and involved conversations with the latter. The former, not as much... but single words typed out are really all I need to get points across, and the Treo is easily stashed in my pocket. I misplaced it this evening and nearly flipped, heh.

Anyway, it's not about ceasing communication altogether, just the verbal part of it... the part that's the easiest and least restricted, generally. I am honestly enjoying the challenge thus far. It's just so difficult at work... I am probably going to be looking for a new job soon, for other reasons.

I am constantly searching for the 'deeper meaning' to my actions. If there are any suggestions you have as to how I could be assisted with finding some help, other than a psychologist, I would be deeply appreciative. Thanks. ;)