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21 August 2007 @ 12:54 am
*looks around*  
Hi all.

I decided over the past few days that I need to undergo a trial or test to attempt to better myself. No, it's not for any kind of religious reason... it's just something odd that I feel the need to do.  I seem to have a bad habit of saying inane things and interrupting people... so no better way to nip that all in the bud.  I decided to stop speaking.

Of course, I want to keep my job, so I speak seldomly there, but just enough to get by.  Please read my journal for accounts of my journey (I just started today, so there may not be much to read just yet.)

I am pleased to see that a community like this exists... makes me feel like less of a freak. :)

Thank you all for listening...
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
voluntarilymutevoluntarilymute on August 22nd, 2007 01:54 am (UTC)
I agree with you completely, and so far, I have been following your advice anyway. :) It's funny; my husband and I pride ourselves on our strong bond and communication in our relationship, and one of the first things he said to me when I told him about what I wanted to do... was that he was just afraid he'd lose touch, but that's something I am absolutely determined to not let happen. As he's kind of weirded out, I've been doing the majority of the discussion initiation - we exchanged IMs a lot during work today, and has some really good discussions. After work, we had an event to attend to on an online game we both play (aw who am I kidding, we were running a raid in World of Warcraft) and we got some more discussion in there.) It's just going to be a matter of developing new routines and systems before he's comfortable striking up a conversation with me verbally, I think. If I am the one who has to initiate the change in routine, I am absolutely willing and excited to take up the task.

A permanent decision...? I'm not sure. My friend Mike at work also knows of my plight, and he was teasing me a bit about it, which means he was at least becoming more comfortable. He's the only other "safe" person so far, other than my husband. The workplace is really touchy, and I'm learning a lot about how I'm going to need to change my routine there. I'll write a bit more today about how my day went and the feelings I had throughout it in my journal later, since I'm already typing up a storm in this comment... Anyway, there are some things I need to figure out... like... how to order at restaurants, what the heck am I going to do when we go visit the in-laws... my heart is screaming at me to make up a lie, but my conscience refuses to let me do it, except maybe to strangers... *sigh* I haven't developed a timeframe. If I'm in this for the long haul, it was my husband's suggestion for us to both learn ASL. I think it's a really good idea, but it's also quite an undertaking to learn a new language. Then again, it would give this plight another purpose...

Also, it was really early in the morning when I wrote that introductory post to the community, and there were some things I didn't get into. I think the excuse I have about how I interrupt people too much is just due to an isolated event with my boss. There hasn't ever been a problem with me interrupting my husband; we are oblivious to this, and we do it to each other all the time with no ill effect, ever. :) Both my husband and my friend asked me "ok, so what is the point of this?" and I felt obligated to come up with an answer... so that was the answer "to develop better self-control"

Ever since I was young, I've had a fascination with not being able to speak. A few days ago, something snapped inside of me and I realized that I could actually do it, so... yeah.

The most difficult part of this is going to be finding our limits - both mine and my husband's. This isn't a trial to test our relationship, I think it's just me being selfish. If he tells me to knock it off, or gets really frustrated, of course I will oblige. It's just a matter of stepping outside of both of our comfort zones...

I'm sorry my reply is so disjointed... it's a lot of thoughts all at once. It's really funny though - your comment looks like something I would have written, because I am forever throwing around advice to other couples about what makes good communication. I suppose this makes me a hypocrite. Maybe.

Thank you again so much for your comment.